David Vollbracht

Saturday was an angry day. I noticed it as soon as I got my day started. Usually I try to resist my anger—believing the thought that it is somehow “bad” or makes me a bad person. For whatever reason, on Saturday I saw anger as my path and I devoted my day to experiencing my anger for what it truly was.

I felt anger at life for not being what I want. I felt anger at the people around me for not being what I want. I felt anger at myself for not being what I want. I felt anger that I was getting my day started so late. I felt anger at my meditation timer for interrupting me in the middle of believing my thoughts. I felt anger at the traffic that stood between me and enjoying snowboarding. i felt anger at the broken hot chocolate machine.

What was this anger? Straight-mouthed silent seething. Exasperated aspiration of air through one unstuffed nostril. Tightening in the stomach. Tension in the muscles. A glaring stare that dares whatever I’m looking at to defy me. A conditioned response to believe that violence against inanimates will remove the object of anger. Shallowed breathing. Fear that I will never get what I want. The believed thought that I should get what I want.

From this perspective, the anger seems laughable. It softens – becomes malleable. By entering into the experience of anger instead avoiding it, the believed thoughts surrounding the anger can be recognized as just that – thoughts. They have no reality. I discover I can have a angry day without blowing up at people, being standoffish, or any of the other strategies I’ve developed to protect against my anger.

Of course, next time I’m angry i will have to go through the very same exercise and learn all these things again. That’s why it’s called “Practice”—you have to do it repeatedly to get good at it. Next time though, it will be easier to awaken to the opportunity for practice. It will be easier to label my believed thoughts. Easier to reside in the anger.

Most of all, easier to laugh at my self.